The Waiting Game

Sometimes it's tough when you're in a period of waiting. My problem is that I've been in this same period for more than a year and a half. Every direction I turn there are a bunch of closed doors, but no open ones. People say that when God closes one door, he opens another. Well, I'm in a room full of doors and they all seem to be locked. I was on the path to doing what I wanted to do (or at least what I thought I wanted). I wouldn't have been unhappy working in that side of the business. But then one mistake and the whole thing came crashing down. I did a lot of thinking about that decision, and it felt like the right one. So why did the "right" decision seemingly lead to the end of my career before it really even began?

I had no prospects for months, and then because bills were too much, I had to leave and move back home. And here I am. I have no prospects, no direction, and God seems oddly quiet on the issue. Other Christians keep saying that I'm the weakest link here. Obviously if God's not saying anything, then it's really that he's already said something and I'm just missing it. Maybe that's true. I honestly can't seem to find what I could've missed. I was desperate for answers, so I was listening as hard as I could. Still am.

I'm just so sick of playing the waiting game. I have no other choice, though. Christians are supposed to be very helpful. I'm constantly hearing about this one helping that one. Yet nobody has offered to help me. Why am I so alone? Why am I ignored? Has God called on them to leave me be? I struggle for the answers to why I am in the place that I am. I have long accepted the idea that things happen for a reason, but how do you accept what you don't want if you don't know why you're being asked to accept it. I know, I'm supposed to have faith. I do to some degree. But after waiting and waiting, I feel like my patience is running thin. How did Moses wander the desert for 40 years? How was he able to do that on faith? I'm complaining about a pittance compared to that. And look at the life of Job. This only leads to guilt for feeling the way I'm feeling.

I keep hearing stories about people crying out to God and having things revealed to them. The things that they prayed for have come to them. I don't know that I've had a prayer answered. If I have, I don't remember it. Perhaps that's me having taken God for granted. But now I need God. I need the miraculous power of God to make something happen, to open the door of opportunity for me. I don't want to be here anymore. And I don't want to be alone.

Oh, help me Father God. I'm crying out to you.